My Protagonists Meet Proust, Part Two - Cakey the Clown

Okay, so in my last blog entry, I talked about this interesting fellow:

That is none other than Marcel Proust, who is known, at least in part, for a questionnaire that he filled out in a journal. That questionnaire is sometimes used by authors to interview their characters as an exercise in fleshing out personality and motivations. I decided to do this with some of my own characters.

Last time, we asked these questions of Mary Lanham, the protagonist of the Mary of the Aether series, so go check that one out, if you haven't.

This time, we are going to ask these questions of my weirdest character. Yes, it's time to ask the Proust questions to Cakey the Clown. Now, Cakey is a character who appears in my e-book, Shadows of Tockland, but I actually created him years ago (roughly 2000). If you haven't read the book, he turns up in a traveling circus when the protagonist, David Morr, runs away from home and joins up.

Let's see what Cakey has to say.

Cakey the Clown - Shadows of Tockland (interviewed as he was at the beginning of the novel)

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

When I finally decided to stop being two different people and became one person, that was my greatest achievement. You see, we are all divided into two. There is the person that exists onstage, when the audience is watching, and there is the person that exists offstage, when nobody is paying attention. It became clear to me that the man I was offstage was a construct, a fake, an empty suit, a deflated balloon, so I set him loose. Now, the person that I am onstage is the only person and my only self. I am one, complete, whole, clear. There is no mask, only my real face.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

When you finally perceive the moment of destiny, the decision gate toward which events have been pulling you, the exhilaration is like nothing else. And when you finally enter that gate and turn in the direction of fulfilling your purpose, the sublime moment is so beautiful and perfect that every single thing that ever happened to you suddenly and forever makes sense. I have not reached that moment yet, but I feel it drawing near.

What is your current state of mind?

To be honest, I have grown impatient with a lot of things, restless and ready to embrace the future. I have always known that the ever-night is coming upon the world, and all of these elements, from plague to war, are dragging humanity toward it, kicking and screaming. And I have always known that I will be in the pivotal place when it arrives, and I am ready to be there. Rubes and foolishness and nonsense and noise are all distractions that wear on me, as I wait for my moment to arrive.

What is your favorite occupation?

I don't really believe in the concept of occupation. You do what you are, and you are what you do. So if what you are doing is not making you what you are, then you are doing the wrong thing. That is why the rubes are always unsettled. But as for me, I do what I am at all times. When I'm juggling onstage and the rubes are captivated, I am not merely entertaining them. I am embracing myself, my destiny, my future, and the moment that is coming.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Sanity. Sometimes I think I might be the only sane person in the world. Why can't the rest of them see the divided self? Why can't the rest of them see the ever-night that is coming? Why can't the rest of them see how every single thing that happens is drawing us to a pivotal moment? Why can't they see that what looks like a mask might, in fact, be a real face, and that the so-called real face might be the mask?

When and where were you the happiest?

I'm not thinking about the happinesses of the past. The past was only a staircase leading me to a greater height. I will be happiest in the future, when I get where I know I am going. In a way, in some dimension, the future has already happened, so that is my happiest moment, there before me somewhere, as if it has already been.

What is it that you most dislike?

The dull inability to perceive the future that infects almost every single human being in the world. The distraction with tragedies of the past and hardships of the present. Don't they know how to shed these things from mind and memory and march forward? And certainly my fellow performers should get this. But they don't. They don't.

What is your greatest fear?

I have transcended the place where fear festers and have gone into a realm where fear becomes fodder for a building electrical certainty. If I hadn't ripped away the second-self, if I still allowed myself to step offstage and become that other person, then fear would still dominate.

What is your greatest regret?

This is a stupid rube question. Regret? How can you have regret when you are driven every step of the way by destiny? When you are onstage, there is no time for regret. Why? Because you are in the middle of the show, building toward the end. Do you get it now?

Which talent would you most like to have?

The ability to breathe on other people and make them comprehend everything that I have come to know. Trying to explain it is like pounding on a steel wall with a foam hammer. Conversations always tip over the edge and fall sideways into foolishness.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

To be a rube. To live offstage. To wallow in that offstage self. Which is exactly what the whole world does.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

If I met a woman who could perceive that every single event that happens is only pulling us inexorably toward a pivotal moment of destiny where we confront the ever-night then indeed that would be a woman of rare quality. There are no accidents, no mistakes,no griefs, no tragedies, only steps leading to destiny.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I don't deplore anything in the onstage self, and that is the only person that I am anymore. But that other self, the one I buried, the one who climbed offstage at the end of the show, I deplore everything he was and every trait he possessed.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Milling about like animals on a highway, oblivious to the truck bearing down on them. That is the trait of all people, it seems, and why? Why am I the only one who gets it?

What do you most value in your friends?

There are fleeting moments when I feel like my fellow performers almost accept what I am and what I have realized, and those are valuable moments.

Which living person do you most admire?

I have to say my grandmother, though I have never really known her. I don't even know if she is still alive. I don't know what happened to her. There are only stories that I have carried with me, but she is the one who placed destiny upon my face when she bathed me in the cerulean waters of the Suceava River and called me a child of destiny. I have a memory of it. I'm sure I do. 

And that is Cakey the Clown, people.

My Protagonists Meet Proust, Part One

Marcel Proust was a French novelist and essayist during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. His most famous work is a seven part novel called, À la recherche du temps perdu, which is a massive 2,300 page story with over 2,000 characters.

Thanks for the pic, Wikipedia!

Proust is also famous for a questionnaire that he filled out in one of his journals, which was later used by a French interviewer named Bernard Pivot, who then inspired James Lipton, who adapted some of the questions for guests on Inside the Actors' Studio.

I've seen a number of writers use Proust's questionnaire as a way of figuring out who their characters are. In other words, you ask the questions and let the character answer. It's a great way to flesh out their personalities and motivations.

I thought it might be an interesting exercise to ask some of my protagonists these questions and see if I know my own characters well enough to answer right away. So let's try it. Now, there are a ton of questions, so I've cut them down considerably for the sake of time. Let's start with my first published protagonist.

Mary Lanham - Mary of the Aether (interviewed as she was at the beginning of the first novel)

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I guess I get pretty good grades. Mostly all A's. That's my only real achievement. I can draw a little bit, or at least Papa thinks so. Kristen doesn't think so, but my art teacher liked this one drawing I did of a horse. Papa made me frame it and hang it on the wall, but he's biased. That's pretty much all I've ever done.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Well, it's sort of embarrassing to talk about, but I guess if the right boy recognized you and realized who you are and really liked you, and if you had friends that appreciated you and didn't think there was anything wrong with you, and if you were a little more confident in life generally, I guess that's about as close to perfect happiness as you could get.

What is your current state of mind?

Sometimes kind of sad. Not for any particular reason. Maybe sad isn't the right word. More like gloomy or maybe just bored. I guess I feel like I'm not really where I'm supposed to be in life, like I don't have the right friends, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, and sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am or where I come from. Maybe it's too much to say I feel like I don't fit in the world, but that's kind of how I feel.

What is your favorite occupation?

It would be kind of cool to be an artist, any kind of artist, or just someone who is creative and skilled enough to make things, real and tangible and beautiful things like painting or sculptures or gardens. Anything where you could imagine something clearly and create and then stand back and see what you created would be great.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Well, I know what Kristen would say. She would say my most marked characteristic is that I'm out-of-touch. I'm out-of-touch on technology and fads and stupid stuff like that. But I think really my most marked characteristic is that I do good in school. It's not that hard for me. I only study a little bit. But I don't talk about it much because people think I'm bragging.

When and where were you the happiest?

I don't know if I can remember being really happy, but maybe it was a little bit better in Estes Park. Maybe.

What is it that you most dislike?

Being publicly embarrassed!

What is your greatest fear?

Not accomplishing anything in life.

What is your greatest regret?

I don't really want to talk about it, but not knowing more, or anything, about my mom kind of sucks. But I don't ask questions about it. It just makes people upset. I try not to think about her at all, which is awful because I don't know anything about her. It shouldn't be a big mystery, should it? But it is.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I wish I was a really skilled artist. I don't care if it's painting or drawing or sculpting or what. I just wish I could make beautiful things.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Being embarrassed and having everyone look at you and feeling completely alone, all at the same time. It couldn't get worse than that.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

I guess someone who is confident about himself but also kind, someone who is creative but humble, someone who can believe in others and believe in himself at the same time. 

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I am not confident at all, if that isn't already clear.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

People who are mean or rude, who find other people's weaknesses and use it against them.

What do you most value in your friends?

I don't know. I guess that they put up with me, even when I'm boring to be with.

Which living person do you most admire?

I guess my Papa, just because he's really old and weak but he still provides for me and he's kind to me and he tries to make time for me, even when he's not feeling good.


And there you go. The answers came to me immediately. I guess writing four books about one character really clarifies who they are for you. I'll try it again with another character some other time.